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Singles Chat Live Talk Discussion
Harlan's Single Talkshop chat room "Talk It Out Therapy" is open 24/7. Use as needed. No appointment necessary, No waiting, No cost.
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| Is there someone out there for someone after 40? |
| I recently found out that my marriage of 3 years was a lie and was being used to help this man better his image and financial situation. Now I am 41 and am confident it is over for me in the relationship dept. I know I am not ugly and know I have good qualities but my problem is I am quiet and reserved. Really a home body that is into my kids. Never was one for the dating scene. I feel like I will never meet someone who is "Real". Everyone tells me that I will find someone when I least expect it but I really feel that there aren't any men who can be honest and truly love a woman with out looking at their measurments and aren't drop dead georgeous. AM I WRONG? |
| By : Sarah : Female |
| Date/time : 15/01/10 11:06:11 |
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mnail |
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Male |
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That's a loaded question of sorts, many who are reserved such as you stated you yourself to be are doing just that, looking up when something knocks them out (curves) just as you yourself is most likely to look up when some guy who's bulging out of his shirt/jeans or what not walks by and catches your eye - Being reserved is good and that entails for most the home body sensation (more stable IMO & better) but also when out we pay attention to the task at hand rather than it being centered around a social setting - most you see in the world you wouldn't enjoy at home due to lack of interest or lack of same interest.
You're not wrong in feeling that, but you're not wrong by any means for remaining to be a rather complicated and elusive woman to find in daily life as many men will attest to.
Yes, their are people after 40, we're in the start of the best portion of our lives - that old enough not know better but to young to care - does not apply, thankfully :) |
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16/01/10 04:48:35 |
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mnail |
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Male |
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Sorry I didn't read this before submitting, the is/are errors burn my eyes.
Take care and yep, 40 is no where near death!! |
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16/01/10 04:50:24 |
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3 |
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ceragsdale |
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Female |
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I am a 43-year old woman and do not feel I am doomed in the relationship department. So, you can breathe a sign of relief there. They do say, the older we get the less we have to choose from but I am not so sure how true that is nowadays with the divorce rate as high as it is today. I will say you will need to get out there and try to make yourself noticed as I have found out (i.e. social parties such as weddings, meeting people at church, etc.). Also, it has been said for some time that you will likely find the right person when you are not looking. When you get to the point when you are ready to start dating again there are some avenues you could explore if interested such as internet dating. I actually read the Internet Dating for Dummies Book once. Very interesting! I have been divorced for over 4 years now and it is amazing how far I have come. I also tend to notice the red flags in people alot sooner than I did before I got married. Amazing how we look at the dating scene differently after being divorced. |
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16/01/10 17:32:16 |
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4 |
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Java |
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Female |
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Well, I've found the pickins to be slim as I don't go out enough to meet people as I have a somewhat 3/4 full life. I've dated some, but really not into it like I should be as most of them have too much baggage from the past. I started dating again when I was older than you. I really don't have friends to play cupid as most of my friends are looking themselves and are having problems meeting decent guys who don't drink alot, talk about sex alot,disrespectful, and don't want to spend money. I know there are some who don't fit this peg, but wading through the muck takes time. |
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17/01/10 01:09:10 |
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5 |
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Farmer Bear |
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Male |
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Sara, I don't think there is a "right or wrong" answer to your question. Having been in your situation, although older, I just think it's not as simple as it was when we were looking for our first life partner. I believe as older individuals we have to be more honest about what we're looking for and why we're looking for another person. The answers aren't easy this time around. You're right that some men never, no matter how old they are, get beyond looking at women in the same way they did when they were in their twenties or thirties. Some women never do either. I believe it's relatively harder to meet "the one" when you're older because we get settled into routines and meet few new people outside of the routines we're in. I was divorced in my mid-fifties and felt pretty much the same as you were feeling when you posted here. After being single for about three years I fell hard for someone I knew through work. Now eleven years later, I'm divorced again and raising two boys 10 and 7. I'm having a great time for the most part. It's hard work and it forces me to really think hard about why I might want another person in my life. There aren't any easy answers. And there aren't many women around who would even consider hooking up with an older guy with small kids because they naturally take up a LOT of my time. I spend a lot of time at their school as a volunteer. The women I have the most in common with now are young enough to be my children. So, I guess I'm saying I can relate to where you are at this time. By way of encouragement to you, if I were in my forties I would feel like the luckiest person I could imagine. Best of luck to you. I think, by the way, that there a lot of men who are reserved and basically home bodies out there who would like to find someone like you describe yourself. I wish you all the best. |
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17/01/10 13:00:15 |
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6 |
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Chrisitne |
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Female |
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It is part of human mammalian nature that a man want a woman who is younger. Yet, also as humans we have so many different things we like. Some men like younger women and that is it. Others like women their age because they can share more. They would never go out with someone younger. Others like older women. Others don't give a hoot what a woman looks like as long as she is intelligent. It is just different. Humans are different. All of us. There are so many huge varieties, sizes and shapes of couples out there. Look around. It is encouraging. Until you meet the perfect person for you, every reason in the world exists for you to be happy in the meantime. :-) |
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20/01/10 13:11:25 |
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7 |
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ModestMoose |
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Male |
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I just turned 40 this past October, going through a divorce, I think it will finalize in February or soon after that, and am not working due to a lay-off in November, just after my break-up.
I have a three year old son with my 25 year old ex-wife that I have with me from Thurs-Sun twice a month and Wed and Thurs the weeks in between.
I have not yet even considered dating since I feel I have nothing to offer or even the extra income to pay for dates, plus I am still hurting and don't trust women at all right now.
I am unfortunately one of those people that easily picks up conversations with whomever and am a young looking 40, so have been approached by a few women, where they made "the move" (ask for my number or to see me again) but first off one was a 20 yo model and the other was 25 and flesh out a divorce herself.
Since then I've noticed that the ones that flirt with me are all under 30, by too much and the older ones put off an unapproachable, not interested vibe.
From reading some of these posts I see that I will automatically be excluded from some older woman's consideration because they are looking for someone with minimal baggage and willing to spend money on them.
The problem with this is that if a man is of an older age and with expendable income and no baggage, he got that way by either purposely avoiding relationships or because he is not relationship material to begin with.
I personally am avoiding young girls because I want to meet women with their own money and their own kids, so they don't want or need either from me.
The ideal woman for me would just want to be with me for companionship and not because of what I can do for her.
I have no intention of ever getting married again, so as to avoid the problem one poster had with getting re-married in his mid 50's and divorced with young kids 11 years later. OH HELL NO.
Anyway, sorry for the book but I though it might help the original poster to see inside the mind of a 40 year old divorced man.
Word of advice for all older women out there though, something that I tried explaining to my ex-wife when she started playing games with sex.
If you put too high of a price on it, sex or simple being with you, it better be worth it, otherwise men will eventually go for the better deal.
If I am going to be expected to pay the same price to be with an old woman as I would a young one, why would I even waist my time.
Don't try and play the same head games when you aren't bringing as mush to the table.
I personally will not put up with problems from someone that I feel ain't worth it.
An older woman should offer, less headaches to compensate for what they can't offer, that the young one can.
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21/01/10 17:50:32 |
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8 |
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Rachel 2009 :) |
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Female |
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I think there are older bachelors who are available with expendable income and no baggage. I do not believe they are all single because they avoid relationships. I do not believe they are all single because they are not "relationship material" to begin with. I am sure they have many friends.
I believe some are highly intelligent individuals who are very comfortable financially and very comfortable without baggage. They enjoy their life. They know they have it good. They know how to use their brains to plan for their futures. They can think ahead and make positive choices in their lives.
They do not allow silly, foolish women to take advantage of their many years of hard work. Many such bachelors are actually brilliant people. I could name off at least 1/2 dozen of these well-known men (some who work very hard in the television industry). It has nothing to do with them not being desirable. They are simply picky, smart people who will not settle for anything less than the best.
They enjoy working very hard. They enjoy not having baggage. They are very selective with whom they choose to spend their extra-curricular activities with.
They invest in their futures by being careful concerning the choices they make in life. Many will eventually settle down with the right wife. They take their time to make the right choice. They do not grab the first thing which comes along. They do not lose their balance when the opposite sex winks at them a couple of times. They have self-control.
They are the very intelligent bachelors of society. They have all the time in the world to pick and choose the right wife. I do not think there is anything wrong with them.
Due to their high confidence levels; they are not in a hurry to jump into many relationships. They do not feel they are on a time restraint. Since they are so freed up, they are not under any pressure to find someone to raise their kids and pay their child-support for them. They are smart people who have used their brains over the years to become who they are today. Happy, healthy, content, financially secure bachelors with no baggage. |
| Date/Time |
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26/01/10 00:36:22 |
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