Processing your divorce trauma to "make sense out of it" and get it filed away to where it "no longer" screws up your life is accomplished by talking (or communicating with writing) it out.

Here in this article I am going to take the liberty to try to draw a mental picture to help you understand this "necessary talking or writing it out process".

You can work thru this in a short time or you can take the "usual" two years to get a normal life back or you can stay screwed up for the rest of your life.

Let us say, that you have 100 (arbitrary figure we picked out of nowhere.) mental emotional issues from your divorce trauma that need to be resolved before you are going to be able to be back up to your old capabilities and normal life.

Let us visualize a four drawer file cabinet, bottom drawer all the way out, 3rd drawer out 3/4 of the way, 2nd drawer half way out and top drawer 1/4 way out.

Someone drops and throws your 100 divorce trauma file folders, (big ones) right on top of these extended  drawers so part covers all four drawers in great disarray.

Since your life is normally processed and operated from what is in these 4 files of your "life experiences" and now they are all but covered up by a mess of "unfiled" traumatic mis mash, you will not be able to fully function as you have in the past.

Until these large divorce trauma files get filed and you regain free access to your normal life files, your life will be a distraught mess.

You can take the normal two years to get it all back in order.
 
Until you do, the experts recommend you make no major decisions such as buying or selling your house, etc.

BECAUSE UNTIL THIS FILE MESS IS CLEANED UP, YOU WILL LIKELY DO A LOT OF DUMB THINGS.

Since you are not now really operating from a full deck, so to speak (not up to your usual capabilities).

Now we will tell you how you work thru and file away correctly this big traumatic unresolved divorce file mess.

What determines how long before you get a normal life back, is based on how long it takes before you have these "divorce trauma files," filed away and regain full access to your "normal life" files again.

Your mental "processor" works on sorting each unresolved file out to determine where and how it is filed only when it hears you "talk about it".

Thinking about it over and over does not get it filed away where it causes no more problem.

Only "talking it out" where you big computer hears you saying (or writing down) how you consider it to make sense. Then it is filed away.

You can ruminate over and over trying to process this thinking about it day after day to try to make sense of it and get it out of the way.  It never gets filed however until your big computer hears you "talk it thru". (or sees you writing it out).

Some extremely traumatic files you will have to talk or write about 2 or 3 times before your processor makes sense out of it and hands it off to your big computers "file away" system.

So the key here is you do have to "talk or write it out" to progress with the "clear it out" project. 
 
Participating in divorce chat, email (and yes, even snail mail) with other people in the process, relatives friends etc. on what you are going thru is reported to work as well as talking it out in person.
 
We found it really does not matter much who you talk it out with (or write it out), providing they know how to listen and do not cut you off from expounding fully.

First choice would be a professional therapist who is well trained not only on how to listen but how to draw you out and get you to talk about what needs "talking out".

Second choice would be a well run divorce support group where each person participates fully in talking out their divorce.

Third choice would be regular contact and talk in person, on the phone, instant messaging and email, (or even snail mail) with individuals currently also in some stage of divorce adjustment or have  completely worked thru it.

Fourth choice would be friends and relatives that know how to listen (hard to find).

We used an arbitrary figure for your situation of 100 unresolved divorce "blobs of data" so lets use an arbitrary large figure of needing to talk each file out 3 times.

It (could be 1 time each or 5 times), this is just an example and varies from individual to individual)

If these were accurate figures, (may be higher or lower) you would need, in this example to have 300 full fledge talks about your divorce trauma.

Full fledged conversations about your unresolved divorce files, this will activate your big computer to file them harmlessly away.  Will stop "screwing up your life" by no longer keeping, your regular "life experience" files from being accessed normally.

When all this "talking out" is accomplished, then your divorce would have been all filed away and its affect on your life is then history.

Your life will start to work much better when you get even half of the mis mash sorted.

However, be sure you finish the job of clearing out all these divorce trauma files dumped on you, before you risk adding new trauma.

How long it takes you to clear these out, will determine how long it is before your divorce no longer screws up your everyday mental processes.

Only then can you really get on with your new life.

Talking it out on chat like singles talk shop can help you process and file away your divorce trauma.

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